Our baby Aedan did departure to the sky today.
He sure brought joy and light to our life. Especially when I am so lonely in this new place, he was a bright joy to me. He became my little new best friend. He stayed with me almost 24/7. More than own husband! He wasn’t just a puppy or family to me. He was my treasure.
In the past 6-7 weeks, I have learned a lot from having him. For the first couple of weeks were very hard for me. He was sick at the same time he got really hyper. I had a big dog for 17 years back in Japan though, it was the first time for us to raise a puppy on our own. I had days without sleep, were frustrated and tired. To be honest, I had days it might be a mistake to adopt a dog then. There were times I was worried about him all the time, and I hardly enjoyed myself fully when I had to leave him at home.
However, after learning and getting to know each other, things turned out really well. He wasn’t getting 100% better though, he learned things very quickly. He learned where to poop and pee very fast. He hardly ever barked. He whined a little in a very cute way, but let us sleep most of nights. When he was hungry, he sat at the kitchen and let us know. He was sitting on my lap and looked at my eyes when I miss home or I miss my husband at night.
Aedan wasn’t the healthiest one of his siblings. That always bothered me. We actually wanted another puppy though she was already taken. He was the last one and we decided to welcome him as our family. For the first few days, he threw up and really made us worried. However the vet said it was just a sinus infection. It’s common for puppies to have it especially when they are from kennels. Okay.. Later, He started to get to know us and gain his strength though he still coughed a lot. We were told that kennel coughs sometimes last 4 to 6 weeks. So we try not to worry too much. He still loved to play with shoes, slippers, socks and his toys. He loved coming to our bed room many times to check on us at night. He ran really cute when we took him outside. So we thought he would get better eventually.
Last Saturday, he started to have seizures. He took a nap with me on our bed. After that he stumbled a bit. But I didn’t worry too much. I felt his body was a little warmer than usual, then he started to have bobbles in his mouth. I didn’t know what that was, but it was seizure. That night he didn’t even come check on us our bed room.
On Sunday morning, he came to see me by wagging his tale. But his face was obviously different. It’s hard to explain though, his face didn’t look healthy. His ears looked different, too. But he chased on me as usual and ate a little. So I left him home and I went to church. When I came back, he came to me, looked happy. I fed him. Right after he finished eating, he started to have seizure. I was so scared. I tried to calm down though, it happened again in an hour. WHY Robert is always out for work when Aedan is sick! When he had the 3rd seizure, I called a couple of vets. They were closed. I called my in laws to ask to take us for an animal emergency. I never seen dog’s seizure. We thought the worst. The symptom really was the same as distemper. But why? He did had vaccinations. The vet and nurses there were very kind though, obviously Aedan wasn’t good. It’s really difficult to diagnose Distemper though, he said it might be. Why him? He was treated and I took him back home. Even if we gave him a treatment, it might not make it which was the honest opinion from them.
I was so devastated. Robert came home by working 18 hours straight whole weekend. I know how tired he was though; we slept in the living room next to Aedan. Aedan started to have seizures since 3:40. And until 10, it occurred 7 to 10 times.
The adoption organization lady came to us in the morning. She felt horrible to us and gave us an adoption fee back. We decided to give him a chance before sending him away. The vet whom she took us was experienced with distemper and other serious disease. However we were not sure if Aedan was distemper, either. Aedan did have a bad pneumonia, so he was treated as pneumonia and seizure. We were told that the vet would know if its distemper or an advance stage of pneumonia. The next day we went to see Aedan, it was the worst timing. He was just out of medicine and started to have seizure. He had 3 seizures in the past 30 minutes. We had to see he got medicine by a needle. His blood pressure is too low, so it took longer for a nurse to give him a medicine. It broke my heart. He is only 5 months. A little baby. Why he had to go through this?
Last night, I had a dream about Aedan. I don’t know where it was though. He was sitting on pillow or something. He ran to Robert by wagging his tale. It’s just like hugging him. Then he came to me by wagging his tale. Then I saw a big box that Aedan was sleeping. It was as if he came to see us to say thank you and good bye.
In this morning, we directly got a call from our vet. You know the direct call from vet means. Not the greatest news. Aedan didn’t seem to get better at all. It’s only getting worse. So that means putting him in sleep is the best for all.
I know my heard is saying that I cannot make him suffer any more. But still wanted to believe a miracle. Again, we still knew what the best for him. Just hard to accept the fate.
Over all, Aedan really taught me many many things. It is the greatest lesson in my life. This whole experience really reminds me of the story of Job.
I left my family, friends, career and experiences in Tokyo because God led me to Missouri. Yes, I believe God is one who told me to come to Missouri. I literary don’t have anything here that I had in Japan. No job. No close friends (yet). No my immediate family in japan. No experience. No income. The new joy I had in Aedan was even taken away. Two vets I met both told me that it’s really rare case. I have no idea why our baby had to be one in the Rare unfortunate situation. I could take suffer, but didn’t want him to have. It’s too unfair. He is only a baby. I am mad yet, I know I am Not going to lose my sight in God. Unfortunately God took my treasure, but I am sure He has bigger future to me. Otherwise there is no reason to be here. (Of course I do love my husband though; we didn’t have to choose to live here) All I can do is seeking the Lord, asking comfort and healing. I am already realized the meaning of Aedan’s birth and death. God disciplined me and made my heart soften by using Aedan.
Well, I am honestly not the strongest girl in the world. I have lost great close friends in the past few years. There are 3 close family members and a friend who are suffering from very serious sickness back in Japan. I said goodbye enough. The losing Aedan kills me a lot. Please think of where I am.
But I’m not begging for sympathy. I have already gotten lots of great support both in Japan and the States. Not to mention from friends who live in other countries such as Philippines! (love you guys!!)
I don’t know when my tears for him go away, I just know that I will be stronger for Aedan in the sky. I won’t waste his life and death.
