NO
Seems like things getting only worse. When I try to hang on positive perspective, it's wiped away quickly. I wonder if God is playing my mind. If He desperately wants my attention, that is not working. I don't walk away from Jesus, but there are times I am not attracted to Jesus.
I believe many of Christians want to say "You are Wrong!" or "He never forsakes you"
I understand that and I don't need those words. Deep inside of my heart, I do believe He will take care of me and shows his glory in my life. Just not now... and Just I don't know when or how.
In the past 6 months was way too hard for me. It's the hardest time I have ever Mentally experienced in my life.. and I am still stuck!! Help!!
I really don't know what I do or where I should go or how I live any more. I don't think I just sit down at one place and only wait God is miraculously showing my way. I'm not Lazy!! Then, why this happens that when I try to make one step, I feel like God is pulling me 2 steps back. Why does He do that? What He is trying to say?
Whether it's caused by God or life abuse from people/environment, I don't appreciate that. Especially insensitive people who choose to hurt me or hurt me even without thinking of Your words... I'd shout to them "Evil!!" But I know... rather, I better overcome Evil with Good.
Environments and circumstances I can never control, I'd throw my towel... But I know... rather, I better rest in my Jesus.
I believe there are millions of people who are in harder situation than I am. I'm blessed so much more than people who lost homes in Tohoku... I understand that..
However, at the same time, I also think that people's bursting point is different. Some can handle more, others can only little. I am not a person whose patience capacity isn't big.. so I only have to seek the way of releasing from agonizing pain in Jesus..
(((hugs)))
返信削除I wish I knew the words to say that can help. I don't think there are any. I know I felt similar pain with Elisa in the hospital. I know I struggled with coming back to Him when I finally started to heal.
There was a song I heard when she was in the NICU that sort of summed it all up and I think it is also relevant to how you are feeling right now. It's "Let the waters rise" by Mike's Chair.
Love you and praying for you.